But now I'm older, and I'm still selfish. If you called me that as a little girl I probably would have stuck my tongue out at you. But now? I'm sticking it out at myself. Pbbbbt.
I don't want to be selfish. I want to be more Christlike. I don't want it to all be about me, because it isn't!
At least I have made the first step: I recognize my problem. And I want to change!
So, "God, change me" has become a prayer of mine. I even wrote it in my prayer journal. And how I love it when He answers!
I know that I have a purpose, God-breathed and designed just for me. And, you guessed it, and can get pretty selfish, even with that. "But why can't you give the kids a bath? Clean up the kitchen? I worked hard all day and now I have to write! I have important stuff to do!"
Ick. It's sickening to witness in print, and even more when I catch myself saying or thinking things like that. I can take my "purpose," writing as a ministry, and make it all about me. Doesn't that defeat the purpose?
And what about my family? God has plans for them, too. But I easily forget that. When you're always thinking of yourself, that happens.
Yesterday morning, my devotional calendar was reminding me of the fact that God did prepare me to do His work. I struggle lately with actually doing what I know God has asked, so that spoke right to my heart.
This line was front and center on the page: "He desires to transform your sin nature into the very nature of Christ Jesus." Echoing my prayer. "God, change me." Yes, Lord. I hear You.
My morning reading was about the fruit of the Spirit, coming from Galatians 5. I just have to share the thoughts:
"Ask most believers if they would like to accomplish what the Lord has planned for them to do with their life, and they will say, 'Yes!' To be the person He calls each one of us to be, we must surrender our will to His. That means telling God that we are willing for Him to do whatever He must to drive selfishness out of our life."
I hear You, Lord! I was excited to keep reading...
"Surrendering our will to God's better plan clears off the throne of our life, enabling the Holy Spirit to take His rightful place there....we are transformed from the inside out. First, we begin to recognize when God's hand is at work. Second, we experience freedom from selfish pursuits or earthly attachments...In serving the Lord, we gain a confidence that we never had while serving self."
I am just beginning, but if I keep asking, I know God will answer. We are promised that when we delight ourselves in the Lord, when we desire what He desires, it will be given to us. (Psalm 37:4)
I know God wants me to surrender to His will, instead of trying to live by my own. So I will excitedly and expectantly wait to see how God wants to change me...